Flaming Red Penis


I love you. Cheery!!!

I love you. Cheery!!!

I love my friend, Cheery, for her innocence.   We have a tradition of buying each other little gifts when we travel or see something which reminds us of our friendship (as I do with many of my friends). She was in Mexico recently and picked up this little key chain for me.  She presented it to me one evening in a dark parking lot outside.  I was thrilled with it!  “It even has a flaming red penis!!!”,  I declared.  Cheery looked baffled for a moment and said, “It does???”  I held it up, “Yes it DOES!!!  It is perfect!!!”  Cheery said, “I’m glad I didn’t notice that at the shop, otherwise I wouldn’t have bought it!”  I drug Cheery inside to a well-lit place and showed her the flaming red penis.  She agreed, “Why, yes it does have a penis.”  I tried to make her understand how excited I was to have received this.  “This is fabulous, I adore it!!!!”

What I love most about it is that Cheery didn’t notice while she was debating which of several key chains to get me, and I, of course, noticed it in the dark.

Attached to my purse, I let him swing freely in the breeze.

Lead in my Pencil


So that you may perhaps have a better understanding of where I am coming from, my lovelies, I thought I would post pictures of one of the gifts in my Christmas stocking from my parents this year.  My mother saw this being sold to kids at a restaurant (WTF?) and felt like she had to get it for me.

She is a Scorpio, if that explains anything.

My mother wanted me to pull it out carefully so that I wouldn’t ruin the presentation (pun intended).


My mother wanted me to pull it out carefully so that I wouldn’t ruin the presentation (pun intended).

Are you happy to see me?


Are you happy to see me?

Really, really happy?

Really, really happy?

This pencil holder reminds me of a friend posting on Facebook that the neighborhood ice cream truck just passed his house playing the instrumental version of “My Ding-a-ling”.

Well here I am!!!

Well here I am!!!

It also reminds me of the time a complete stranger stopped me while I was walking around a resort with a cup of hot tea and a tetsubin.  He looked a bit like a burnt-out rock star, and he said in an English accent, “Are you having a spot of tea, luv?”

“Why yes, I am.”

“And what kind of tea would you be enjoying there, luv?”

Smiling down at my iron teapot, “This is gyokuro, a type of Japanese green.”

“Oh!  Very good!  You know what I drink?  I drink that yerba mate tea.  Have you ever tried that, luv?”

I shake my head, “I have heard of it before, but can’t say that I have.”

“Well, dear, you should try it!  That yerba mate tea really puts the lead in my pencil!”

*******************

Mum wanted to fill the pencil holder with condoms, but she was too embarrassed to go buy skins since she has obviously hit menopause.  She didn’t want to send my father, who walks with a cane, to go buy any either, so they are leaving me to fill it.  It has a zipper up the length of its back.

How I really feel about condoms can be found here.

I will leave it at this:

Guys, I hate them more than you do—still, you need to SUIT UP!!!