Warning Signs and Incongruities
This is a document I found in my computer.
I started this before things got really weird. There are many smaller things that niggled at me. These are just a few of the key points I wanted to jot down. It does not include any of the events of the weekend I was “inducted”:
Warning Signs and Incongruities
- He (C) is very unwilling to integrate any other Eastern religion or energy philosophy, and seems to feel his territory challenged by it, judging from his sometimes defensive, angry and petulant responses on the group forum. However, it seems quite alright to discuss any Western religion in conjunction with his philosophy. I can understand this though, because one is muddling different systems in Eastern philosophies which deal with our inherent energy directly (unlike Western philosophies). I could see where it would be good to separate things in the beginning.
- When he saw the inside of my apartment, he demanded, “Where is my picture?”
- After our first Skype session, he told me to go ahead and consider myself a private student.
Our first time meeting and spending time alone:
- He breathed into my mouth
- We spent time hugging very closely. He wanted me to pull energy from his heart with my hands, but all I could feel was my dantien pulling warm energy from his.
- He said to me chuckling, “You know, they all think I am going to sleep with you”. I thought to myself, “Why in the hell would they think that?”
- He mentioned BDSM both this time and the 2nd time he came to SoCal and we were alone. There was also a BDSM post on the tantra site that appeared I think may 2010.
- He has always insisted I surrender to him.
1st time with group:
- He asked, “Jeez, where were you when I was 19?!”
In L.A. first time:
- He says that ayahuasca would be good for me, despite my uncertainty. Furthermore, that we should arrange a ceremony at my place. When I ask him about doing the ceremony the next time I spoke to him he said, “I thought we had already decided that you were not going to try ayahuasca.”
- He invites me to someone else’s home to spend the night, but without letting the homeowners know. Inevitably they are upset since they don’t know me and it is very last minute. After a bit of unnecessary drama, I drive home.
2nd time in L.A.:
- He seems a bit put off that another boy has got the attention of all the girls, young and old, in the group. This boy was an awkward one, lacking in social skills, but my God! One could get lost in his big brown cow-eyes forever.
- He was very obvious about trying to “remove entities” from the boy who has all of the girls’ attention (and who happens to be sitting across from me). C was standing behind the boy doing huge windmill motion without the boy’s knowledge. Later he asks if I didn’t see him trying to remove the entities. I wrote a post not long after on the group forum about my experience at a club. I had sensed entities with this one guy dancing right behind me. I asked if it was okay to try and clear entities away from a person without their knowledge. The general consensus in the thread of responses was, “No”. Who are we to interfere with someone else’s karma and/or life by meddling with their baggage? It also was considered unethical to send any kind of energy to someone without their consent/knowledge—even if this is loving energy. C remained silent during this thread.
- His orders to us during the love circle were to not send any love back, to merely receive—that we have given and done so much for others, this was our time revel in others’ love to us. At the end, we put C in the middle of the circle. He did not receive. He did not follow his own instruction. I later called him out on it privately.
- He was full of ego and there was something insincere about what he was giving back to us when he was in the middle. It seemed to me a cloak of some kind.
- I felt like he wanted me to come and see the van of X. I did get a very weird vibe from him. And then I left because of the cats.
- After we got into the car together with R and H, he turned to me and said in a weirdly abrupt, frantic way, “You realize that you are smarter than most of your clients, don’t you?” I quietly answered without looking at him, “yes, C”. He stated again, “You really do realize how smart you are?” I repeated, “yes”. It was bizarre.
After we parted
- The next few days, he was trying to keep his grip on me, by calling, leaving messages, talking late on the phone.
- He calls me around 10 in the morning my time to tell me not to go out in the rain because of a threat of radiation from Fukushima (seeds of fear). What does he do later that same day? He goes out in the rain skinny-dipping with two girls!!!